An agonizing question answered

One of the great controversial questions of the modern age is “When does life begin?”  At birth; at conception; when brain waves are detectable?  It is a question that has plagued us as a civilization.  Well I am going to answer the question once and for all.  Life begins the moment a child tastes bacon.  That’s right…bacon.  I know my answer surprises you, but if you research it you will find the science (and common reason) backs me up.  Have you ever heard a parent say that their child’s first word was bacon?  No you haven’t.  But that only confirms my answer.  It would be humiliating to make such a confession.  So the young parents who have made the unfortunate mistake of feeding their child bacon prior to them learning to speak, live in secret shame.  The secret they keep locked away in their souls is that their precious child’s first word was not “mama” or “da”.  Nope, it was “BACON”!